For Immediate Release
April 8, 2025
Trump Announces Golden Calf Statue Will Be
Moved into the Oval Office
WASHINGTON D.C.–President Donald Trump announced today that a statue of a Golden Calf will be moved into the Oval Office and into the meeting room when Cabinet Secretaries meet.
The surprise announcement caught many White House appointees off-guard because they thought the Golden Calf symbolized idolatry. However, a White House assistant press secretary said this was incorrect.
Repeating the words of a Trump economic advisor who said the nation is entering “a golden age in America for American workers,” the assistant press secretary said the Golden Calf statue symbolizes the new age of tariffs and the impending return of “a new age of prosperity.” She did not answer questions about which economic class would be prospering.
However, when reporters asked about the Golden Calf, the press aid admitted that the statue could be considered idolatry “under some circumstances.”
“Well, maybe the Golden Calf has some biblical connotations, but worshiping an animal is not unheard of, especially if the statue is covered in gold leaf. After all, there are many pieces of furniture and draperies covered in gold leaf in Mar A Lago.”
The Golden Calf is being fabricated in an undisclosed Mideast nation. The statue will be made of 14-carat gold leaf, measure 10 feet tall and 5 feet wide, weigh eight tons, and be modeled on existing historical Biblical drawings. President Trump has assigned a historian and a veterinarian to supervise the construction of the Golden Calf.
Reached by phone, six of the wealthiest members of Trump’s Cabinet said the Golden Statue would be welcome in the room during their meetings so “we can keep focused on what’s important. After all, we all follow the price of gold.”
The Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick said, “We all like gold things, and the bigger the better. And if President Trump says we should sit around a Golden Calf, then it must be the right thing to do since President Trump is a Biblical scholar. After all, didn’t he publish his own Bible?”
A spokesman for the Evangelical and Born Again Minister’s Society of Ft. Worth, Texas, said the group is considering the action but could not comment since it was a full moon.
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